And I said: Oh boy. Right again.
A large proportion of the people who've asked me this have turned out to be Goths. If that doesn't seem to answer your question, you too are probably a Goth. Which is OK; it doesn't make you a bad person. It's not like you like Blink-182 or The Offspring or something.
Notepad. Except for some of the extremely large pages in RFN, which were edited in Wordpad because Notepad can't edit files that large. I'd be using Emacs if I were using a proper operating system. But I'm not.
This is almost certainly (it's not like I've been counting or anything, but it seems a reasonable guess) the question second most frequently asked of me. I generally find it safer to assume that it's being asked more as a meaningless social lubricant rather than as a sincere and concerned inquiry into my physical and mental wellbeing, and so reply with "fine" or "OK" or "not bad" or something like that.
Not to imply that those responses don't reflect my state of physical and mental wellbeing.
This is the most frequently asked. No.
Or this might be. It's probably a product of my tendency to mumble, and the fact that I tend to say things that no one there could reasonably be expected to understand. Unfortunately, as of time of writing this sentence was not funny.
Yes. Yes I do.
All right thinking people. Or, at the very least, Cherry Al and I. And these guys.
I'm glad you asked.
This is an issue of much import, which deserves serious consideration. Smileys (also called emoticons by wankers) are those little things that look like sideways faces, such as :-) (smiley), ;-) (half-smiley), or :-( (goth). Obviously, the fact that the smiley and half-smiley end in a closing bracket could result in some confusion. In fact, it's not at all uncommon to see otherwise sensible people writing things such as:
...and so I was saying (jokingly :-) that we should...
and intending the end of the smiley to also serve as the close of the brackets! As all right thinking people will agree, this is wrong. The correct way to write this would be:
...and so I was saying (jokingly :-)) that we should...
Note how the separation of the smiley from the closing bracket clearly shows that the brackets in fact end there, and are not intended to continue to the rest of the sentence.
This issue is especially important if, like me, you frequently nest brackets several deep, when confusion becomes all the harder to avoid.
This is a question which has maddened mankind for millennia. Many conflicting answers have been mooted; is it Mouse-traps? Moon? Memory? Muchness? See the newsgroups alt.conspiracy and alt.whatdoesthemstandfor for more mutterings on the matter.
Now, however, I am pleased to be able to reveal the answer to this question once and for all:
The 'M' stands for 'Martin'.
Because I'm the Queen of the Fairy Sluts™.
The semicolon; only a fool would say otherwise (although brackets are pretty good too (particularly when nested several deep (like this))). And I'm pretty fond of the ellipsis...
Yes. During the GUGS pub crawl, on the 3rd of November, 2000, at about 11:48pm.
Who would have thought that party poppers would have such an effect? It's just luck I hadn't set off any indoor sparklers by holding one in my teeth and lighting the end, and that I in fact had no such sparklers whatsoever.
The disciplinary hearing found me not guilty, by the way. Even though I pleaded guilty. I'd just like to commend Jamie Wakefield on his impartial chairing of that hearing.
You can have the octopus; I do not like the look of it.
I blast it.
That should display as a TM symbol (like this: ™). If you see ™ instead, it's probably because you're using Netscape , and Netscape doesn't display TM symbols properly (at least in earlier versions). This is because it's crap. Fortunately, there is a simple solution:
Don't.
Assuming you have a standard height ceiling, I usually find I have to pile up 5 fat goths, or 15 thin goths, to reach the lightbulb.
If you're working with a mixture of fat and thin goths, then there's a simultaneous equation involved in calculating how many you'll need. This is left as an exercise for the reader.
Another Green World by Brian Eno.
This isn't particularly frequently asked; in fact, as it's part of this page before I've even uploaded it, no one except me has ever asked it.
But it's not easy being funny or interesting, you know. At least I'm not just sitting around reading this crap.
There are basically four options open to those whose search for truth has finally led them to exhaust the near-infinite reserves of wisdom contained herein.
Three questions. Three.
http://www.houseofsin.net/
Gavin M. Doig
Do You Believe That?